The watch heals old wounds ⌚ | 02/11/24

"This..." He will just go into his caravan and curl up into a ball.

mind a visitor ?

he's not yet finished with the

pipes but he's done half the

job .

He couldn't risk being in his wolf form, but he truly wanted to be. He heard a small noise; the wolf sensed the presence of Janus's dad, Gio. Everything bubbled up, everything he had pushed into a box and buried far away from him. 

He wiped away his tears and sniffed, "Come in."

He'll be fixing his sleeves as

he steps in, shutting the door

quietly .

“ the pipes, I'll continue them

later if that's alright , — ”

he fell silent with his words .

is the other priest alright . . . ?

he'll stare .

The water pipes, from the moment he saw baby Janus, rendered everything else unimportant. His wolf-like eyes were glowing bright blue with a hint of yellow in them.

"The pipes... You really took care of them, even in your state." Peter paused for a moment in silence,  rubbing his eyes and sniffing again. "I was suddenly filled with memories—memories of Janus. I shouldn't remember them; I have duties to attend to." He said, looking up at Gio. Sometimes, when he saw Gio, he also saw Janus, but they were different. Janus had lived for several months in his mind palace with Carlo, the same place where the vagufl also resided. He had created a home there for them, but Janus had to move on at some point, and it left him feeling empty.

He wouldn't give a damn , if

it were the usual day . But the

mention of his son was enough

to break through his frequent

facade .

The priest's gaze softened

as he approaches, sitting

on one of the nearby spaces

that were comfortable enough

for the man .

“ You don't have to attend to

them . ” he utters as he sat ,

exhaling softly . of course ;

he can always tell the league

he asked Peter to do something

urgent . After all, he's a cardinal.

“ . . . is the kid bothering you ? ”

here's an attempt on being

caring . Gio had always cared ; he was never

apathetic . reluctant ? very much .

“ he does that a lot . ”

he chuckled faintly , eyes falling

on his fingers fixing his necktie.

“ I don't mind ; he always

crawls around like he used to

when he's small . I guess he

never changes. ”

And what Peter did the moment Gio sat right next to him was wrap his arms around him and bury his face in the crook of his neck. The wolf sought comfort, if only for a little while, trying to cope with the grief that washed over him, and another sniff escaped him, along with more tears.

"He is gone from me. I wish he would bother me. I wish..." His words caught in his throat as the memories of all three flooded back to him.

"You pushed me so hard away from you when he was gone. It was so difficult to reach you. I tried to cope with his absence, and I needed you the most. I had put my grief into a box, safely away from me, but now, seeing baby Janus has made everything come flooding back. Everything. I often wonder what I mean to you after so many years side by side, and yet we can’t be without each other. You became my mentor, and I cherish the gift you gave me; I use it and see you in your past. Will I see Janus there too? Can I see him there again?"

The cardinal was not prepared

nor did he anticipated the wolf's

actions . He fell silent, blinking

once more as if somehow he

regained a clear sobriety from

his touch ; what more the words

that followed ?

he . . . didn't know what to do .

The cardinal simply sat there ,  listening to his words .

the watch . he thought he'll never

give much damn about it . he

assumed Peter would discover it's

purpose but the priest did not

anticipate that , like him , he would

find a world away from what they

have in the present they both

cannot escape .Gio was silent as he spoke still,

only parting his lips after several

moments of silence .

he'll let him hold on to him .

this time, he won't —push him

away.

           “ . . . was I too cold , Peter ? ”

he softly asks , staring

blankly at nowhere . A weak

exhale leaves him .

    “ . . . I'm sorry I couldn't let

you in . I have too much blood

in my hands . ”

shame .

    “ I could only give you what

       won't hurt you . ”

the watch . or perhaps , whatever

that is left of Giovanni's humanity.

He comes back to it , too . But it will be fair to let Peter in to

where Gio is sure that he won't

ruin him . The watch and all that

it has left of the life he used to

know . Italy and everything before

the church took it all away from

him .

he wouldn't admit it , but if

he could, he would've been

allowed to know him, see him even

long before . but Gio knew he

had hurt too many souls . He

knew he's too consumed by rage.

guilt, even . all that's left of his

life was the insatiable hate and

craving for revenge against the

people who took his light .

He knew he'll hurt him . But the man from all those

years ? Gio , the doctor . the

man who loved horses . Gio

carrying his little son while

discussing theorems with

his colleagues at the villa's

yard .

the cardinal knew ( that ) Gio

is capable of love . of being

humane . He knew that Gio can let him in and keep him .

     “ . . . I'm sorry I had to push

       you away , Peter . ”

he utters softly .

     “ —  I don't know how else

      I could save you . ”

Peter wiped away his tears and looked through his wet lashes at Gio, tilting his head slightly. "In the beginning, you were my source of comfort for a long time. I wished so desperately to find solace in you. I think I did, otherwise, I wouldn't still be here. Things changed with the gift; I saw you and wanted to be close to you. I realized that I can only be close to you by exploring your past. I haven't yet seen Janus, which means it was a time when he wasn't present. The first time I visited you, you were laughing and smiling." He paused briefly, looking at Gio with heavy eyes.

"I have blood on my hands too, and we have never talked about what I have done. You know I am a wolf, but you don't know why I became a Vagulf. Normally, when someone becomes a Vagulf, the wolf becomes insane and cannot control himself anymore; he kills anyone who stands in his way. All humanity is lost, and he cannot turn back into a human. The church—I don't know how they managed to give me medicine to keep my Vagulf locked away. It works most of the time, but there are moments when I miss my wolf form and wish to run through the forest and be myself. However, I can't, because there's a risk I won't turn back. I had hoped you would help me control it. I knew you had the power. We always had to do the work alone, but I began to feel so much closer to you after Janus was gone. The grief was overwhelming, and you... I have this watch, and that's the only time I realized I could be with you."

Gio listened quietly, sleepy hazel

eyes staring at him in what seemed

a rare kind of softness. he often

looked cold, but this time —

somehow he's warmer . . .

the watch was all he can

give that he's sure will not be

destructive for Peter . everything

he holds dear, he often destroy .

he can't ruin Peter and he knew

it well that the last bit of humanity

in him was ( that ) watch .

The church told him about this

troubles with his wolf . even he

himself is involved with it and

in strict request , he wished

the league not to tell Peter he's always been part

of it all ; helping him control it ,

resorting to whatever help that

can be offered to him . . .

       He's always wanted to be

there for him but he knew it'll

mean pulling him to his own

world of blood-stained webs .

The Apostles , his ways , he knew there'll be no

peace for Peter in his care .

      “ . . . I - don't know how else

I could be with you, it's — ”

he shut his eyes .

is he really saying these now ?

He knew what the priest was

talking about .

ah , he's been there too many

times , he sees . The villa , the life before everything

else . . . Little Janus , the first

apostles .

he once had a life .

     if he cannot be with him in

the present , then -- perhaps ,

Gio hoped , that in another

lifetime he once had , he can

be with him . One far away from

the worries of his revenge to the church ,

one far away from the wreckage

of it all .

maybe , at least , in that watch

they can be together . maybe ,

there , he can be with him .

maybe there, he can love him .

he didn't want to lose Peter .

His life in the present devourseverything like a fiend .

he didn't want Peter to be

eaten alive by his own

evil . he wanted him to be

far from his misery .

the watch is all they have .

but sometimes , he can't help

but wish they can be more . . .

like this.

Sighing, Gio simply shut his

eyes before leaning his forehead against his .

just . . . quiet . a little ounce of

peace .

            then , Gio gently leans in to

gently place a caring kiss against

his forehead .

         “ I'm here . . .  ”

he whispers against his skin .

When Gio placed the watch in his hand, he initially had no idea what it was, as he thought it was just a simple timepiece. However, he soon recognized its age, and from that moment on, he realized it belonged to Gio. Although they hadn’t discussed the watch, one night he discovered its significance and was drawn into a world that felt foreign to him. He found himself transported in time, standing in a villa where people were happy and laughing. Among them was a voice he knew all too well, one that always made his heart ache for more, though he understood they could never have it. It was Gio's voice, and then they spoke, causing Peter to fall again. 

What was also strange was that he was not a Vagulf in this time; his mind felt clear and unclouded. One thing about being a Vagulf, and why the church desperately tried to halt the process, was that it led to death; being a Vagulf was like being a sick wolf.

At that moment, his condition was stable, and here he always felt a sense of peace in his mind. The watch, a gift he used often, reminded him of Gio, and he missed him dearly, though he never saw Janus there.

Being present, so close to Gio, he was uncertain of what was happening, but it felt as if the past and present were mingling together. Peter looked into Gio's eyes, knowing how soft they could become. He was deeply familiar with that softness.

"I know you can't be yourself in this time with me, but I understand your past. We are both free there, even if sometimes I wish we could be free here too. I've given up on those hopes, but I'm not sure how much we can change. The watch is our gift, Gio."When Gio gently leaned in and placed a caring kiss on Peter's forehead, the wolf's heart felt a little lighter in that moment. The simple words carried profound meaning for Peter as he rested his head against Gio's shoulder, more tears flowing. The wolf pressed his nose against the cardinal's neck, inhaling his scent and closing his eyes, leaving a single kiss against his neck. 

"I always wondered why you didn't ask about my illness. You knew, didn't you? Did you know that the watch has the power to allow me to be a simple wolf when I am in your past?"

Gio was mostly quiet as the wolf

spoke. The little kiss made him

exhale softly ; quite guilty to say

it's the only kindness he's felt in

awhile. Oh, he still remembers

what they clearly did . kisses

from illusions he played with ,

sometimes Charlotte doing

what they've agreed upon and what he

paid for. Sometimes, he still feels

how they cut the life from him on

his skin. The priest's collar he puts

on it sometimes helps, but all it

does at times was just remind

him how and where they put

that blade and cut his head .

He needed that kiss. “ and I'm just . . . a doctor

raising a child .”

he blankly mumbles . 

Maybe Peter is right; the watch

is their only gift . He didn't know

what else to say . all he can do

is rest his chin on Peter's head

while he buried his face against

his neck .

He's tired . as another exhale leaves him ,

the cardinal spoke softly .

      “ I don't frequently ask . I didn't

want it to be given attention to . ”

his simple response to his

question . He didn't want Peter to

focus on his Vagulf as much as

he wanted him to know he cared

and got himself involved with the

arrangements to help . He didn't

want him to even know he cared

to begin with . Perhaps Gio had

made peace with his tragedy ;

he couldn't let anyone gravitate

close or build bridges closer to

him .

or maybe , it wasn't peace ; maybe

he's simply had just given up on any hope

of ever being human and humane

since the day he woke up from his

death.

no bridges, no words to speak

and no care to receive. it had

always been this way. and he's

simply just grown used to it.

but he always cared . and he

still does anyway . it kills him that he

still does ; Carlo , the few he keeps,

and then there's Peter .

he always cared .

perhaps no matter what

force he gives it, even now that

hes a mere undead ghost walking

in the shadows of the Holy See ,

he's still — Gio .

just Gio . the same Gio that Peter met

and saw in the watch . just

a little . . . undead but he's

still ( Gio ) .

that same doctor carrying a small

child around the villa with his

friends . the same man who loved

horses and laughed when he can't

win a bet in his backyard . He'll place a gentle kiss on his

head , hand reached out to gently

caress him with fingers caressing

his locks . He'll just —

bury his face there.

for once , he felt a little bit of

air to breathe . Shutting his eyes,

the same hand gently pulls Peter

closer. He just wants to hold him . be there .

let him know he's there .

he always cared about him .

hes long forgotten to speak

words that tells so but — his

actions never did .

It's alright ...

he can stop the tears .

He's here .

They don't need to be

anywhere else .

He's here .

He was so vulnerable; past and present were merging together in a way they never had before. He had never felt as close to Gio as he did now; it seemed as though both were opening up to a concept they were finally willing to embrace. It had taken them years—exactly five years—and the wolf remembered how often they had fought, how frequently they couldn't even be in the same room without Gio hissing and snarling at him. It had hurt him immensely, and now? 

He felt how the other was burying himself into him, trying to find the same comfort in Peter that he found in Gio. 

This made the grief in his heart feel lighter, and when he sensed that he needed just a little bit more, he gave Gio a kiss on the jaw and then on the cheek. Even his eyes were wet from the tears he couldn't hold back; all he wanted now was for Gio not to leave, for him to stay close and for them to remain on this newly established ground. He felt how Gio buried his face in his hair, sensing how the other sought comfort through his scent, and he was willing to provide it. 

He pulled Gio closer, and what he did next was remove Gio's suit jacket. He looked into his eyes to seek permission and then pulled him down into the bed where they were already sitting. All he wanted was for Gio to snuggle with him, sharing things they had never done before. 

"Stay, stay and don't leave me," he whispered, kissing Gio's forehead as gently as he could.

The cardinal had found peace in his presence. Being close was more than enough, but his next actions caught him by surprise; the gentle kisses made him blink, curious and at the same time — confused .

it is very bizarre. Very much so that he can feel his own guard questioning the foreign feeling that was received . It felt so familiar yet so . . . alienating . The cardinal did not know how to respond but when he was pulled close , he cannot help but widen his eyes and stare at his hands moving his coat away from enveloping in .

for awhile, the other priest surely would see how Gio instinctively inched away; why, of course the situation was no foreign to him. Charlotte and some of his ‘ explorative ’ endeavours of fun had more than just that jacket taken from him. He was never a holy man. The rank was a mere facade so he could keep his sworn revenge against the people responsible for his misery.

He spoke no words, but he felt stripped off of his mask; Gio stared nervously at Peter who returned a seeking gaze. He felt . . . embarrassed. what was he thinking ? If he must admit, the little moment might suggest something of a familiar theme. Oh, he's done it so many times ; with Charlotte most of it. But Peter? Those hazel hues clearly speaks for himself. He's perplexed. And god he wished Peter wasn't being impulsive. He wished it wasn't what he himself is thinking.

The cardinal froze, out of nervousness and uncertainty. All those years, he never allowed the other to see how fragile he was; all those shards of broken glasses hidden beneath fine suits and fabrics... it felt like Peter knew it all along and now? Here he is finding doorways to seep through him.

He was a deer infront of someone's headlights.

and what surprised him more were his actions after.

most people would've done him naked. doing atrocities that a priest and another woman ( or ) man should not be engaging in to . fulfilling their lust, and Gio fulfilling his need of affection even just for a few minutes of fun.

Having Peter pull him and simply hold him? it felt . . . strange . alienating . he didn't know this substance. He couldn't help but be nervous about what the other might do since it wasn't what he needed nor wanted but--

but why. . .

why was he shown kindness? None of the selfish lust and delusion of an impulse.

Why?

As his body felt the soft mattress and the sheets, it felt like a fine bottle of wine breaking against the cold marble of his villa.

only to reveal it was poison leaking out between the broken and the crevasses of the fragile object.

he might have been . . . shattered .

as the wolf pressed another gentle kiss against his forehead, he cannot help himself but remain still. Somehow even questioning why Peter hasn't even dared devour him like most people would do. Like what Charlotte was paid to do.

Tears left his eyes. He dare not give him his eyes, but ah... Who would've thought that the gentlest caress could shatter a thousand pieces?

shatter a vessel .

shatter ( him ) .

he didn't uttered a word.

but those tears didn't dare to cease as his hazel hues looked up at his ocean blues.

Lying beside him was not the cardinal. it was just . . . him .

Gio .

the damn doctor . a dead man forced to live a tired soul .

Peter had always seen him, but it wasn't his place to tell the truth—though he knew some part of it. He had often wondered how Gio could enter his mind palace, aware that Gio had more power than Janus did. Yet, he had felt the real Gio there, and perhaps that was when he began to fall for him, wanting to include him in the world he had created around himself.

However, Gio had fought so hard against Peter that he had nearly given up after so many years, until Gio gifted him this watch.

Gio didn't say a word as they lay in bed, but the wolf could sense how foreign it felt for the other. When he looked into Gio's eyes and saw everything within them, he felt it was just Gio with him—stripped of everything. Peter moved a little closer.

"I have waited so long for you to be just yourself with me. You. When I see you, I always think of a kintsugi cup and how beautiful you are, but I fear you do not see yourself in the light that I see you. Yet, when you were in my mind with your true form, I did see you—and I fell for you even more." He said, brushing his fingertips over Gio's cheek and jaw.

"I know and feel that people often desire much more. I just want this for now... that we see each other, feel each other, because we have never been this close; our souls have always been apart and fighting."

He quietly stared, soon his gaze looking away while he remained still on where he is. He can't help those tears now, can't he ? The smallest of affection — the smallest gentleness — can make him crumble in silence.

How long has it been since he let someone gravitate this close ? he just felt - tired . If he was a wolf like the man is, he would've been a bleeding one from somehow escaping hunts and spears.

He'll just shut his eyes and shakily let out a gentle exhale as he leans weakly into his touch. The cardinal was silent; refused to speak, refused to let a whimper out, even. He's grown so used in silence that even when seen, he refuses to be heard.

Maybe Peter was right; somehow, he still have a heart. a soul.

when was the last time he allowed himself to be vulnerable?

he's tired.

curling up, he'll sniffle faintly. 

Gently, he brushed the hair away from his forehead and leaned in for another kiss placed on his skin. Then he wrapped his arms around him. He felt him curl up against him, and Peter embraced him more in that moment. He felt and heard the silent sniffles; after all, he was a wolf, and he heard and smelled everything, and the tears did not go unnoticed. 

"You have cared all the time, and by thinking to push me away, you thought I would be like everyone else. That I would accept it and go away from you. You didn't expect that I would be so stubborn and that I would stay. That I would fight and get closer to you instead of moving away from you." Peter sighed, and a weak smile came to his lips as he gently ran his fingers through Gio's hair. 

"From the moment you came into my life, I knew you would become someone very important to me. I think five years ago, I couldn't grasp the impact you would have on me and my life. I don't want to live ever without you. I will always fight to have you close." 

Soon, he was sure both would fall asleep like this, but Peter had a lot more questions, especially regarding the watch. He had noticed that since he began using it, his visions sometimes changed. He could swear he saw things that shouldn't be there.